Bug Horror!

So it has come to this.  I, the person who has trouble pulling weeds because I don't want to hurt 'them', have now become a major thorn in the side to stink bugs.  And by thorn in the side I of course mean I am killing them.  Killing lots of them unfortunately.

Time was when I didn't kill them.  My scenario was to just ignore them for as long as I could and then abandon the tomato plants when things got too buggy.  Then I thought I should just net the tomato fruit so the bugs would not get on them.  This resulted in my discovery that netting tomatoes is made difficult by this thing called a tomato plant.  It worked, but it was very hard to get the netting material all around the tomatoes and the netting had to be placed on every set fruit or else the stink bug hoards would descend.

As the netting process became more arduous, I resorted to killing the multitudes of stink bug babies.  I chose them as my victims for the sole reason that I could do it without touching them with my hands.  My method was to place a small container under the area the babies had congregated (usually a tomato) and then shake the branch causing the babies to fall into the container.  The first few times I did this I then added soapy water into the container to take care of the 'business'.  Soon though I left off the watery death in favor of crushing them beneath my foot.  I figured at least it was quick.

This gardening year my bug killing behavior has further evolved.  No longer do I use the container unless there are a multitude of babies in a hard to reach location.  Now I just grab them with my gloved hand.  I think it has helped that I got a new type of glove this year.  A Playtex Living Glove that comes up my forearm like some sort of rubberized gauntlet.

I purchased these gloves because I wanted something to use when I watered the plants.  We are afflicted by dribbling water nozzles.  No matter how you tighten them or use pipe tape, they dribble like some incontinent little creature all down your hand and wrist.  Regular gloves become drenched and then have to dry out before being used again.  The Playtex gloves are waterproof and the additional length means I can water impervious to both dribbly nozzles and the ever present mosquitoes.

The people at Playtex are savvy about the gardening uses of these gloves.  First of all they made them a very attractive green color and second of all they came with a free packet of flower seeds.  Smart move Playtex.  What I wasn't expecting was the bug invincibility shield these new gloves have given me.

Take for example today.  I did in over two dozen stink bugs hand harvested off of my tomato plants just like yesterday and the day before (gah - what a horrible, horrible year of bug this has been) - all with my Playtex gauntleted hand.  Mind you there was a moment or two where I was cringing in anticipation of some sort of aggressive bite from the stink bug as I clasped their little bodies.  No worries - either these bugs don't have a bite capability or the gloves are impervious.

Now I am sure you are wondering, just as my husband asked me - 'What do you do with the bugs after you grab them?'  I throw them onto the ground and stomp on them.  I wish I could say that I do all of this with a suave, matter of fact nonchalance, but the truth is, a keen observer would see a little bit of sissy prancing in my manner.

Yes, it weirds me out this 'killing of bugs' and from the moment I spy the critter to the moment I am frantically stomping on the beasty I am in a highly stressed out frenzy.  I liken it to the way my dogs address the tree roach problem in our home.

Being as how it is a paradise of heat and humidity, the Texas gulf coast has quite an assortment of bugs.  There is quite a list to pick from but the worst of the bugs in my opinion is what is often called a tree roach.  It goes by several names including Palmetto bug, but it is classically called the American roach, Periplaneta americana.  I have been horrified and disgusted by these creatures ever since my childhood where I can recall many instances of run-ins involving the awful things flying around rooms as well as other diabolical actions.  The horror.

Since I choose to live a life without pesticides other than those considered organic, my choices in pest control are limited.  Periodically we dust our household floors with boric acid and sprinkle it in cabinets and that does quite a good job of controlling their breeding indoors.  However, being as how our old house is for want of a better term - porous - in its assortment of nooks, crannies and holes to the outside, there are always new volunteers of tree roaches joining us from the great beyond.  So, there are frequent roach episodes indoors.

Ensign Wasp - Photo by Muhammad Mahdi Karim

We have an ally in a little parasitic wasp who plants its eggs in the egg cases of tree roaches.  These little torso-less wasps as I call them are always inside during the summer.  For the longest time I would place them back outside thinking I was doing them a favor.  Then I looked them up and realized they were actually doing us a favor by preying on the tree roaches.  Now I let them go where they want.

We also employ another organic roach killer which is also known as a Westie.  Every since his childhood he has revealed an impressive skill at finding, catching and killing those horrible roaches.  For this noble job he receives cheese.  Even though we have also had a Mini Schnauzer and now a Border Collie, none have rivaled his roach killing skill.  The Mini Schnauzer would not even try, knowing no doubt that even though he was not involved, he would get cheese anyway each time a roach met its demise via Westie.  In short, the Westie was subsidizing his brother.  The Border Collie on the other hand shows a desire to do in the roaches.  It is just that she is not as efficient.

Westie - aka Roach Bane

When the Westie discovers a roach he goes boldly toward it and swoops in to grab the hideous thing in his mouth where he swiftly delivers a death bite and then spits the disgusting thing out.  The Border Collie can find the roaches, that is not the problem, she is actually very good at this part.  She can even rush towards them in hot pursuit.  However when it comes to actually putting that nasty roach in her mouth, she balks.  Who could blame her.  Her method instead is to try and stamp on the roach with her front feet.  This seldom has the desired effect and the roach usually gets away.  However, recently her method did take out the intended prey and she proudly earned her own cheese.

Border Collie - aka Roach Dancer

The Border Collie stamp method and my stamp the stink bug method have a lot in common. Both of us know we have a job to do and both of us really don't want to do what is most effective.  She doesn't want to put the bug in her mouth and I don't want to squash the bug with my hand.

So we dance.

And then there was one...

It is out there right now.  The last tomato, along with the last cucumber and the last bean.  At first there were countless numbers, swarming in the garden, demanding to be picked.  They teemed in vast numbers like the passenger pigeon.  At first their numbers blotted out the sky, but then there was just one left.  One alone, sitting in a zoo.  The last one.

Thank goodness my crops just sat in my yard.  I hate to think how much harder it would have been to shoot the vegetables out of the sky.

I never quite expect it when it happens and believe me, it happens very fast.  One day you are up to your elbows in picked produce with pounds of other vegetables waiting on the vine to be harvested.  The next day you are looking out over what the heat and lack of rain has wrought.  Spring has gone.  That ship has sailed.  It is summer and your plants are failing fast.

In years past we would fight the inevitable by watering more and pruning and hoping against hope that the plants will set more fruit.  That is called investment in loss.  Sure you might get a few more tomatoes or cucumbers, but they will be pale copies of earlier versions - blighted and bug shot.  Better to start over in the fall.

So, here we are near the close to the banner year of the tomato harvest.

Here is what I learned this year:

1. I learned that indeed, planting your tomatoes in pure compost does lead to high production.  Along with the compost I also added a big scoop of bone meal as outlined in Rodale's Organic Gardening book.  I will definitely be doing that again each time I plant tomatoes.

My little green friend...

2. As far as regrets, I can think of only one.  I never got to try out my 'put the assassin bug near the leaf footed stink bug nymphs' to see how it would work.  I was an organic gardening warrior this year and many pairs of adult leaf footers met their end under my feet.  I found only one hatching of the little red leaf foot nymphs and they were all congregated on a single tomato leaf.  Unluckily for them I had my gloves on.  Without a moments hesitation I crumpled up them and the leaf.  I won't say I didn't feel some remorse for having to end their lives, but at least it was quick.  Ah well, there is still time for my experiment.  I will hold back on my ninja like reflexes the next batch of babies I see and send in my hired assassin... bug that is.

Ah, a leaf footed stink bug family.  Dad, Mom and babies.  Looks like I broke up a lot of happy innocent family time.  But on closer inspection, maybe not so innocent at all.  I think Mom is wielding a knife!

3. I learned that the Creole tomato is indeed a great tomato for hot humid conditions and it wins the spring 2012 award for greatest production.  Corny Creole gets a special award for setting over 70 fruit and bringing almost all of them to ripeness.

4. The BN444 tomato is awesome in big beautiful fruit.  I will be looking for it again for sure.  It was my first venture with a determinate type and I have got to say I will be trying more of that style again.  With determinate, all the fruit sets about the same time so the harvest is not stretched out.  That is perfect for the spring around here since it gets so hot so fast.

5. The Top Gun tomato is still looking good.  It had fruit around the half pound size.  Beautiful fruit and quite productive.  Although the plant still looks good, it seems to have stopped growing, which makes it a determinate variety. 

6. The Big Boy tomato started off poorly.  It was suffering from something that I could not figure out.  It set a lot of fruit but they were dwarfed by the whatever.  Then it just rebounded and right now it has quite a bit of good looking fruit remaining an seems to be still setting.  This is great because I chose it due to how well it performed last year and this second wind has justified my choice.

7. Of cucumbers I learned that there is not a cucumber worthy of my affection other than the Burpless Hybrid.  Sure the pickle cucumber tasted great but I prefer the plant that is impervious to powdery mildew and produces tons of fruit.  I am pretty sure we will get a couple more cucumbers before the plants are completely gone.

8. What I learned about the beans is that I need to get them in a lot earlier and do second and third plantings a lot earlier as well.  The harvest was good and the second planting still looks great.  The problem is they don't seem to be able to set fruit in the heat.  Maybe there is a variety of bush bean that does better in hot humid climates.  I am sad to see this bean harvest end. 

9. The 3/4 circle tomato cages worked better than any other I have tried.  Although I could have tied them up better within the cages, the wire gave them plenty of support.  The open space allowed me to get to the plants and the fruit with ease. 

10. Sweet potatoes are the salve to the decimation the hot weather brings to the garden.  Those guys are perking along with very attractive vines and beautiful leaves.  I put them in as I removed the finished crops or where I knew things were going to be finished soon.  The sweet potato does not need anything from me.  It is the aloof cat of the garden plants. "Leave me alone," it says, "Come back in October and see what I have made for you."  Okay. 

So the spring of bounty is drawing to a close, but that does not mean an end to the garden harvest - oh no, no, no, no, weary sigh, no.  Now it is the passing of the torch.

Now it is time to dance with the fig and okra.