Border Land

I never set out to become the mom of a Border Collie. It just happened sort of like an unplanned pregnancy. Granted we were looking to adopt a dog following the death of our beloved Schnauzer but Border Collie was not even on the list of dogs we were considering.

We have had several dogs since we have been together, the first being a Mini Schnauzer who taught us everything we ever needed to know about being the parents of a fur child. Dewey set the bar for any other dog we will ever have and I would tell you more about him here, but he deserves an entire post of his own. Suffice it to say his life embiggened our own and his passing nearly crippled us. But he was not our only Schnauzer. During his life, for reasons I will eventually reveal, we acquired a second Mini Schnauzer, Chewey, who was also a peerless entity, and also eventually we brought into our family a Westie, our dear little Lewey, who happily still graces our lives with his bold presence (if you are seeing a pattern to the names you are not imagining it - our next male dog will be named Stewey).

It was after the death of Chewey, an event we had seen on the horizon like the approach of a train, steaming our way unstoppable and unwelcomed. We had always talked about having a third dog and had discussed the type of dog we wanted. We said a big dog, something rugged and protective. The kind of dog we wanted changed after his death when we realized that Lewey was not taking to being an only child very easily. We decided after a few weeks to begin the search for another dog.

Here is the list of the dogs we were considering: Schnauzer mixes, Corgi mixes, Poodle mixes, all small, fun, intelligent, and active dogs. I scanned the Petfinder listings daily. We wanted to get a younger dog because we felt that would help Lewey accept them faster. Ideally, this dog would be between 4 months to a year old. I fell in love again and again with Schnorgis, Schnoodles, and Porgis, but there was always something that made the choices less than ideal for our situation. Usually, it was because they were already adopted. Sometimes the listings were out of date and the 'puppy' that was listed was now a full-grown dog. Sometimes the candidate was listed as being bad around cats or other dogs. Sometimes they were over a hundred miles away. We were taking our time and began to visit the pet adoption events at local pet stores.

My brain began to be consumed with the search. I began to get a thrill when looking at the Petfinder listings and felt withdrawal symptoms when I couldn't check them for greater than 3 hours. Little did I know but I was setting the stage for what came next. I was in the zone, the trap was set and I was about to trigger it.

It was after we had spent another fruitless time searching at a local pet adoption event. We were this close to adopting a pit bull mix puppy. I know, not at all on the list but apparently, this puppy put its little feelers right into my husband's canine center (a dog-shaped area just below the limbic area of the brain) and pulled hard. We would have gone home with that little guy except someone else had put in adoption papers on him already. We left dejectedly. I should have known by that event that the decision-making part of getting a puppy had ended and the universe was now in charge.

It was the same evening that I received an email from a friend regarding a puppy needing a home. Two pictures and a sentence. That was all it took to lock my brain in. I emailed right back and as fortune had it we were the first of many others to request her. We found out more about her and talked to her foster parents. They had found her abandoned at a hunting lease in 100 plus degree weather. She was desperately trying to survive in a dried-up mud puddle. She was 7 weeks old and according to the vet they took her to was a Border Collie perhaps mixed with a sheepdog. He said she would end up being about 50 pounds. Currently, she was about 6 pounds and recovering from dehydration and about a million bug bites. We set a time to go get her for the next weekend.

I was all excited but also all "Dear God, what have I done". I spent the rest of the week looking up everything I could find on Border Collies. The news was less than comforting. We had just adopted a furry human-dog who would need a tremendous amount of appropriate parenting or else end up as a neurotic destructive whirlwind. Also, Border Collies take about 2 years to fully mature. Great.

We picked her up on Sunday. I think that if someone were to have listened very closely they could have heard my heartstrings being plucked. Or probably if you want to get all scientific about it they would have heard a gushing noise from the gallons of oxytocin my brain released. I was a mommy and she was my baby, that was what the biological imperative was screaming in my hindbrain. Granted she was a baby riddled with mange, but my baby all the same.

We took her home, took her to the vet, and treated both her and Lewey for mange (mange mites are very transmittable, but also very easily treated these days). We found that she was obsessed with always having water available and drank about six cups a day. We let her have all she wanted considering the ordeal she had endured. She also needed her very own fan because getting hot seemed to panic her. She was nowhere near housebroken and what with all the water produced copious amounts of urine every hour. She would only rest for about four hours at night before howling to get out. She had needle-sharp fangs and liked to sink them into my hands at will. She learned how to sit, lie down and stay during the first three days we had her. I was head over heels in love.

But love was not the only thing offered to her. Lewey made it very clear that "I do not like the puppy." He also, in what I am sure was just an example of sibling rivalry, expressed a desire to kill and eat her. She was oblivious to his clear expression of his feelings and would do her best to get close to him. We kept an indoor kennel fence between them. Lewey bit that fence several times the first two days. Then on the third day as I was monitoring them in the back yard she worked her magic on him and he began to play with her. After that, he stopped trying to kill and eat her and only occasionally told us that he did not like the puppy. After about a week she finally told us her name was Trudy.

Here are some things I have learned about Border Collies in the months since we adopted Trudy:

 1. You must do routine things exactly the same way each time. There can be no break to the pattern or there will be puppy hell to pay.
 2. Your arms are just another chew toy.
 3. It is possible to take apart any toy in less than an hour. Just today the inflatable child's ball I got for her went from "Wee this is fun to chase around the yard" to deflated in less than 60 seconds.
 4. She understands sentences, not just words and she speaks a very physical language that involves pokes, prods, nudges, and body slams.
 5. If you let her she will gently but exuberantly mouth your neck, which my husband said brought visions of being savaged by a wolf from some deep recess in his brain the first time it happened to him.
 6. Everything can be herded including other dogs, people, cats, birds, and lizards. Also some bugs.
 7. Water is the best thing in the world. It is important to stand in your water dish and dig to the bottom. If the water is deep enough you can stick your head in and blow bubbles through your nose. If anyone is having a bath then the resident Border Collie is allowed in the tub with them.

I am not sure if number 7 is a Border Collie thing or just a leftover from her abandonment but I have never met a dog more focused on water. I can only water the garden if she is allowed to bite the stream. Her first useful talent was pulling the hose around the garden for me. So far this remains her only useful talent.

She is a delight and she is exhausting. Every time she does something right I feel full of pride. Every time she does something wrong I feel like a failure because I know she could get it right if only I knew better how to instruct her. I always said if I ever had a child I would home school it. Well, I have a child. She wears fur. Class is in session.