I was many things as a child, dog whisperer, wasp gladiator, snake charmer, lizard feeder, and crawdad wrangler just to name a few. One of my more special skills was chicken hypnotism.
When we were growing up my sister and I got two baby chicks. It was Easter and my mother gave in to the absolute peer pressure of the season and purchased some day-old downy yellow chicks. She refused to get us some that had been dyed pink or blue but rather got them from a feed store that sold rather mundane but useful chickens.
We were entranced with the baby creatures and I can remember us fawning over them in their little cardboard travel boxes as we sat in the backseat of the car waiting for our mother to run some other errand. They were fluffy and yellow and made the most exquisite peeping sounds. We were sure they would make great pets and couldn't wait to get them home.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and the little downy puffballs are now starting to grow into awkward chicken youths and as they sprout feathers a whole lot of their appeal begins to fade. They also failed to develop anything but fundamentally basic personalities. There is just not that much that goes into being a chicken and although I have heard of people having great relationships with their fine feathered friends ours left something to be desired. Perhaps whatever personality that is in the standard chicken was bred out of our duo. Even their feathers were a mundane solid white color without any markings. They did all the chicken things like clucking and scratching at the dirt and when they were old enough they certainly laid eggs. They were just very lacking in the attributes it takes to make an interactive pet.
Toss a stick, our chickens would not fetch it. Call their names and they would not come unless you used the universal call we used to feed our cats. Kittykittykitty would bring them running every time. Hold one in your lap and pet it and although she would remain there placidly enough there did not seem to be any enjoyment on her part. The only thing they got excited about was food.
I had resolved myself to this rather bland animal because what other choice was there. So they remained in the background of the other pets we had. Then one day I discovered a way to play with them.
Peepsie was my chicken, although how my sister and I could tell them apart was not something we could explain to others. They just looked different to us in some sort of intangible chicken way. Peepsie had taken to nesting on top of a garbage can filled with chicken feed that was located in our barn. Each morning we tried to locate the newest egg that the chickens had laid. Sometimes this was difficult because they didn't always nest in the same location. Sometimes it seemed they had no mothering instinct whatsoever and would randomly lay an egg in the oddest of locations like beneath a fence rail and abandon it immediately. Other times they were sincerely devoted to raising a family and would sit on an egg dutifully. Since there were just the two females there was no chance of a family, but as I indicated before these were not the smartest amongst an animal known for lacking intelligence.
On this particular day, I found Peepsie sitting on her 'clutch' which consisted of a single egg. As I tried to reach under her she took offense and pecked me. This was not that unusual when she was in the family mood. I decided to hypnotize her to make her give up her egg. Earlier that day I had been watching some TV show that showed a person being hypnotized by a swirling picture. I tried hard not to watch the TV screen for fear I would be hypnotized too. Luckily I had escaped without being put in a trance, but unfortunately, my sister had succumbed and sat dazedly in front of the set. I decided to try this tactic on the chicken but I lacked the swirling picture with which to do it. I began instead to swirl my finger in front of Peepsie. I said, "You are getting sleepy, very sleepy."
Peepsie just watched my finger and clucked. I tried again, "You are getting SLEEEEPY, very sleeeepy," and I swirled my finger faster and faster in larger and larger circles. Eventually, my finger was swirling around Peepsie's head. Peepsie began to respond with a slow drawn-out cluck. "Cluuuuuuuuck, cluuuuuuuck," she said. She stared straight ahead and didn't move. I reached under her and she didn't react. I was able to get the egg without her responding. At first, I was triumphant but then I was scared I had broken her. She just kept staring and cluuuuucking. I snapped my fingers in front of her. No change. Finally, I tapped her beak a few times and she woke up. I was relieved. Even though she was substandard as a pet I still didn't want her broken.
Seeing that she was none the worse for wear I went to get my sister and my cousins to show them my newfound skill. My sister was still trapped in front of the TV and I didn't dare tap her on her beak to break her free, but my cousins were eager to come witness chicken hypnotism.
We all gathered around Peepsie and she seemed a little perturbed that we were there. I stood in front of her and held my finger up. She looked at it expectantly hoping for food. I began to swirl my finger dramatically saying "Peepsie, you are getting sleepy. Your eyes are getting heavy. You are falling into a deeeeep sleeeep." As I said the words I swirled my finger vigorously around her head. She began her slow drawn-out clucking again and once more sat hypnotized. My cousins were suitably impressed. They touched Peepsie and she didn't move. After a few minutes of marveling, I brought Peepsie out of her trance. I said, "On the count of three you will awaken. One. Two. Three." on three I tapped Peepsie's beak and she shook her head and squawked.
My cousins were even more impressed and wanted their chance at chicken hypnotism but they were unable to do it because they failed to swirl their fingers around her head and instead kept the swirl in front of her. They were disappointed but I placated them by telling them I would hypnotize them. They eagerly agreed and one by one I used the finger swirl and sleep commands. One by one they obligingly stared blankly and began to cluck slowly and staggered around the barn. From then on I was known for my ability to hypnotize chickens and my ability to turn my cousins into hypnotized chickens. I vowed to use this awesome power only for the betterment of mankind.
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