The Bully

I got my first bully early, and it is no wonder because I was such a scrawny kid.  Just one look at me screamed physically vulnerable to those seeking victims.  It didn't help that I was perpetually happy and talkative either.  That just gave the sullen bully more reason to dislike me.  It also didn't help me that I was so very distracted almost all the time.  This however was great for the bully who didn't even need to sneak up on me - why bother, it was not like I was going to notice anyway.

The first round happened while I was in the school cafeteria.  I was purchasing my lunch, something that I had only just begun to do having started the third grade.  I came up to the cashier and handed her my nickel but she dropped it.  At the same time the boy behind me dropped his nickel too.  I saw his lying on the floor and reached down to pick it up thinking it was mine.  He growled and stamped his foot on top of it.  Simultaneously the cashier said "I found it," and held my nickel aloft.  I just turned my back on the growling boy and took my lunch tray to the table.  Little did I know but the incident was far from over.

According to school rules we had take the next seat available at the lunch table so I slid into place.  Then I heard a commotion from the lunch line.  The boy who growled was at the cashier and pointing to me.  "She took my nickel," he said.  The cashier looked at me and I shook my head saying, "No I didn't."  I thought it was over because I had not taken his nickel.  Little did I understand bully politics.

The growling boy continued to profess that I had taken his nickel so he could not pay for his meal.  He stayed up at the cashier station making a ruckus. His friend who was in line behind the growling boy paid for his meal and came to sit beside me at the table.  Still my future bully was at the cashier station and the school principal eventually appeared.  I guess one of the cafeteria ladies called him to deal with the growling boy.  The principal came over to me "Did you take his money?"  "No sir," I said, now becoming very alarmed.  He asked me to empty my pockets and I did with my face becoming redder by the moment.  No nickel.  As the principal left the growling boy's friend leaned over to me and whispered. "I saw him pick up the nickel."  I asked him to tell the principal but he just shook his head no.

That lunch eventually ended but not before the growling boy had gotten his meal and sat glaring at me from across the room.  I did not see him again for the rest of the day, even though he was also in the third grade. My elementary school had three third grade classes and we were placed into a particular class based on our grades from the last year.  I was in the second tier class having failed to keep up with the accelerated class in second grade.  The bully was in the third tier class reserved for the slower learners and apparently this included the aggressive students as well.  The only time our classes intermingled was at recess and lunch.

Thus he began to stalk me.  He never actually hit me or anything but his very presence was looming.  He was much, much larger than me and probably at least a year older.  He wore western styled shirts with metal snap buttons, blue jeans and cowboy boots.  His hair was reddish blond and cut in a flattop that made it stick up from his head.  Freckles covered his face and his blue eyes were beady.  I would see all of this from the corner of my eyes because I didn't dare look straight at him.  Any time he managed to catch my eye he would point a finger at me and mouth the words "You stole my nickel."  He always seemed to be on the outskirts of where I was on the playground and in the lunchroom.  He always positioned himself where he could watch me.

Once as I was in my classroom he passed by in the hall.  He must have gotten permission to go to the bathroom or something.  As he came by our door I looked up and he did some sort of rapid back and forth movement with his feet and pointed his finger at me like it was a gun.  It was very, very disturbing and I felt my stomach do a back flip.  Just what was this guys problem?  I knew I didn't steal his nickel.  According to his friend, the bully himself knew I didn't steal his nickel, so why was he acting like this?  Being totally ignorant of the ways of bullies I expected it all to make sense.  However, bullies don't need any reason to bully you, tormenting people is just what they do.

I dealt with it by staying inside during recess and begging my mother to allow me to take lunch to school instead of go through the anxiety of standing in the lunch line.  In other words I hid as best as I could from my bully.  This went on for a couple of weeks and who knows how it would of escalated , but then a miracle occurred.  My bully moved away.  All my fear evaporated overnight and I was free to move about without constant scrutiny.  However, I didn't actually learn any valuable lesson about bullies.

This lack of learning came back to haunt me in the fourth grade.  This was during a span of time when instead of riding the school bus, my mother was picking me up from the front of the school.  The only problem was that I had to wait for about an hour before she could pick me up.  So I waited as the school emptied out and I felt like the very last person on the campus.  Being alone was not a problem and I wasn't afraid to wait by myself.  However, I wasn't always alone.

There was this other little girl Heidi who was in the third grade who also sometimes waited for her mother.  At first we struck up a conversation and it was nice to have someone to wait with.  Then one day another girl appeared.  She was sort of standoffish and wouldn't come over to where Heidi and I sat.  Heidi said she knew her and went over to talk.  Then Heidi came over to me.  "This is Linda," she said.  "Hi Linda," I said, but Linda crossed her arms and looked at the ground.  Heidi then said, "Linda says she wants to punch you in the stomach."

Now, I was not sure exactly what would be the appropriate response to such a revelation.  My confusion was also compounded by the fact that Heidi had announced this in a rather upbeat and non-intimidating way.  It was as if she had just said, "Linda wants to do something nice for you."  I didn't say anything in response.

Linda looked over at me.  She was standing at the foot of some stairs. Her hair was reddish blond and she was wearing a white turtle neck sweater.  Although she was not as large as the growling boy, she did have a really tough look to her.  Linda spoke saying "Did she tell you what I said?"  I looked at her and said "Yes."

Once again I was mystified as to why this person I had never met was singling me out for torment.  She didn't actually seem all that threatening and wasn't shouting or yelling at me so it was a little confusing.  Although she seemed to radiate some sort of pent up malevolence she didn't seem to actually be aggressive.

Then she walked over and punched me in the stomach.  It was a good solid punch and it bent me over.  All the air was knocked out of me but I was more shocked than anything else.  Could a person you had never met just calmly and randomly punch you in the stomach?  Apparently so.  She said "Do you want me to punch you again?" without the slightest bit of menace to her voice.  She might have been asking me if I wanted to play jump rope.  I said, "No." and walked slowly sort of bent over and sat on the curb.  I did not cry and I did not act in any way scared.  This seemed to be very off putting to Linda and she wandered away from me.  The little girl Heidi went with her. 

My stomach hurt for a little bit but by the time my mother came to pick me up I was able to walk without being bent over.  I didn't even mention the event to my mother.  How could I possible explain what weird thing had just happened to me.  I did however as I got in the car see Linda off in the distance looking my way.  She looked very worried and it dawned on me that she was worried I was going to tell on her.  I lingered a bit at the car door before I got in.  I watched Linda the entire time as we drove off and it was gratifying for me to watch her squirm, wondering if my mother was going to confront her.

This event taught me everything I needed to know about bullies.  1. A bully needs you to fear them and without your fear they don't have much power.  2. Apparently the people who like to bully me have reddish blond hair.  3. In order to be bullied you have to understand that someone is bullying you.  4. I would rather be punched in the stomach than live in fear.

Perhaps that is all I had to learn because since that time in fourth grade I never got bullied again.